Parenting and Empathic Fathers, Relationships, Society

Inspirational Blogs To Share With You

inspiring blogs

It’s been about two years since I started blogging and writing. In those two years I learnt a lot: not only how to improve my (English) writing skills (yes, it’s still a challenge from time to time not to write in my mother tongue), but also all those technical gibberish when creating a blog or website. Many long (too long) evenings or early mornings (combined with some swearing or moaning because the supposed to be easy-to-install plug-in wouldn’t just plug-in) passed in order to get things working.

But, besides all challenges and difficulties, something extraordinarily happened as well: I met many inspirational, creative, kind, supportive and like-minded people. Something I’m really thankful for. Those people influence my writing and thinking. Those people make me laugh, dream, think, curious, and yes, sometimes even cry.

Today I’d like to introduce you to them. Take a moment to dwell in their sites and blogs. Make yourself a nice cuppa of something warm and start reading. You’ll enjoy it – promised!

eric greeneLet’s start with Eric D. Greene aka 1 Awesome Dad. Last year I discovered his blog and it took me less than two minutes to get hooked. One of his focuses is a respectful relationship, especially when it comes to parenting our children. He says: “I believe it’s time to honor our children and treat them with love and respect, as equals among the human species, not as second class citizens to be ordered around, shouted down at, disrespected and abused.” Eric writes about unconditional parenting and on how to stay calm when things get tricky. If you like this stuff, I strongly recommend joining Eric’s facebook group Peaceful Parenting Community – a lot of like-minded people who share their stories, problems, hopes and dreams.

joanna stevensJoanna Steven’s site, The Nourished Village, is all about healthy nutrition, peaceful and gentle parenting, and a positive lifestyle. My family and I have tried many of her delicious recipes and I think her ebook “The Nourished Village Cookbook” will give you a lot of creative input when it comes to healthy, nutritious food. Yummy!
Joanna’s mission is to inspire mothers (and I believe fathers as well) and make their life easier so they feel nurtured, nourished, and better able to raise children in a peaceful way. Also, take some time to read her series about peaceful parenting.

peaceful papaMany of you probably know Josh K aka The Peaceful Papa. I came across his facebook site (very busy over there) first. Josh is a strong voice in the anti-spanking and anti-corporal punishment campaign in the US. – “There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children.”
His blog is full of practical tips, inside thoughts and his personal journey when it comes to peaceful and gentle parenting. I love his honesty!

katephotoJust very recently I linked up with Kate Orson. She is a Hand-in-Hand Parenting Instructor, living in Switzerland. What I appreciate about Hand-in-Hand Parenting is their clear, easy-to-follow advice backed-up with scientific evidence. Kate gives useful tips: whether it’s how to get your kids help cleaning, or how we parents can help our children with separation anxiety. I’m so excited about her new book, which will be out this autumn.

 

unschooling kidsLehla and Anthony Eldridge-Rogers live with their three children in Italy. On their family blog Unschooling the Kids the whole family talks about their daily adventures, challenges and surprises. As my children are being unschooled as well, I often smile and nod when reading Lehla and Anthony’s stories. Best bits? When their children show in videos and posts about what they enjoy – sometimes it’s those little (science) experiments you and I can do at home as well!

 

jl-morse-polaroidThe world of my friend JL Morse is colourful, surprising and exciting. JL is an author, publisher, thinker, mother… and so much more. Her latest project is called New Days Resolutions: “If new habits are truly meant to stick, they are meant to seamlessly integrate into, and improve upon, our every day lives. Every. Day.”
Her books ‘The Family Bed’ and ‘The World of Wickham Mossrite’ have one common theme: family, respect, peace. #Simplehappy

 
Those are my favourites. But, yes, there are countless other sites, blogs and projects I would love to mention in detail. Here is a (small list) of more sites I would recommend to you as well:

The Dad Effect, Inspired Dads, OhArt!, Natural Papa, Love Parenting, MamaCravings, Stephanie Parker Blog, LadsanDadsClub

What are your favourite blogs and sites? Let me know and write a comment.

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Guest Posts, Parenting and Empathic Fathers, Relationships

How Staylistening Builds Family Connections

connected family

Today I would like to introduce to you Kate Orson. She is a Hand-in-Hand Parenting Instructor (love, love Hand-in-Hand and their philosophy) and will be publishing her book Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children this year.
I very much love Kate’s writing and I feel inspired by her suggestions and ideas. Here she shares a great post about how Staylistening can support strong family connections. – More links at the end of this post. Enjoy!

One evening when my daughter was 9 months old, my husband came home, and went over to say hello to her where she’d been happily playing on the floor. She burst into tears, and when my husband picked her up she reached out her arms for me.

I was surprised that she’d cried so suddenly. She wasn’t a newborn anymore. It seemed as if she’d been in the world long enough to understand this was her dad, that she was in a completely safe situation. I was right next to her on the playmat too! We had just spent a lovely, connected day together. Why did she suddenly need me so desperately?

Before I learnt about Hand in Hand parenting I would have taken her back in my arms to stop the crying. I would have automatically assumed that was the kindest, most naturally thing to do.

But now my perspective about crying has changed. I discovered that there are two reasons babies and children cry. The first reason is when they have a need, perhaps they are hungry, too cold, or are in pain. The second reason, is to heal and recover from an upset that has already happened.

In our busy, modern, society, it is sadly inevitable that all babies and toddlers will experience some degree of stress or upset. It could be from a difficult birth, medical intervention, or just the daily stimulation from getting used to being in the world.

Crying is a healing process, and there are actually stress hormones contained in tears. The psychologist Aletha Solter calls this the ‘Broken Cookie Phenomenon’ that often babies and toddlers will use a safe, everyday situation as a trigger to heal from

a bigger upset from the past. In these moments all we need to do is to listen and allow this natural healing process to happen.

We can see this phenomenon at work in our own lives. For example the other day I washed my favourite woollen dress on a normal cycle, and ended up shrinking it! I started crying, and quickly realised that the dress was just the trigger for a deeper upset. It was about the build-up of stress before christmas, my exhaustion from parenting, and my work responsibilities. Now the holidays were coming, I sensed the space to let go and relax, and release some feelings.

In that moment when my daughter started crying I knew that everything was fine in the present. My daughter loves her dad, and they have a great bond. So I didn’t pick her up. Instead I moved close to her, and reassured her that she was safe with her dad, that I was there too. He held her as she cried, and we both gave her lots of warm, loving attention. This is what Hand in Hand parenting calls ‘Staylistening,’ which means simply staying in the moment and listening to feelings without distracting or trying to stop them.

After a few minutes my daughter stopped crying. She smiled, started ‘talking’ and pointing things out around the room. She was completely at ease being held by her dad. We had dinner, and my daughter tried two foods she had never tried before, potatoes and cheese! This is often the case, that when we listen to our children’s deeper upsets, they can gain confidence in many unexpected ways.

Babies, and toddlers often choose little everyday moments to ‘work’ on their separation anxiety. They may suddenly have a desperate need to be with one parent. When our baby or toddler has a good relationship with both parents, and there is trust and safety there, then often, these moments, are simply a ‘broken cookie,’ a trigger for deeper feelings. If we listen, then these feelings no longer need to get in the way of our child having a joyful, connected relationship with both parents.

Separation anxiety often appears around bedtime. When my daughter was around 15 months old, she would sometimes start crying in the evening. For example if we were all hanging out in our bedroom, and then I needed to use the bathroom. By this age, I sensed she understood almost everything I said to her. I was pretty sure she understood when I told her I was just going to the bathroom and would be back in five minutes.

I could of tried the quick-fix approach and just dashed off to the bathroom leaving her crying. Or I could of taken her with me to stop the tears. But I knew this wouldn’t help her with her underlying fear about me leaving.

For a few nights my husband and I decided to staylisten during these moments. I would gradually try to leave, and would hold my daughter in my arms, listening to her feelings, slowly waiting until she was happy to be left with her dad. Often after having a big cry about separation she would suddenly flip into laughter, crawling from one parent to the other, as I playfully tried to put her back with her dad.

Then when I told her I needed to use the bathroom she would happily let me go, as if she had forgotten that she’d ever been upset about it. Afterwards she would be in a really happy mood, playing and laughing and enjoying the company of both of us. She had got through all the separation fear, and come out of the other side.

Staylistening has helped my daughter to be happy to be put to bed by her dad or to spend time with him while I work during the evenings and weekends. I can leave guilt free, knowing there’s no feelings of upset hiding beneath the surface. Most times I need to leave her, she’ll give me a big hug, and a smile. We’ve given her the space to be heard.

katephotoKate Orson is a writer, and Hand in Hand parenting instructor. Originally from the UK she now lives in Basel, Switzerland with her husband the author Toni Davidson, and their 4 year old daughter. Her book Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children, is now available to pre-order here  https://www.waterstones.com/book/tears-heal/kate-orson/9780349410104

You can follow her on facebook here https://www.facebook.com/ParentingByConnectionWithKateOrson/